We had another good report today at the oncologist’s office. The 2nd read of the MRI from a couple of weeks ago indicated the same – no new or growing tumor activity in the brain or elsewhere except for some sinus stuff. Dr. Murphy was encouraged with the healing process, and we are happy with the report. There will be another MRI in 3 weeks to check it all out again. Not sure right now when new chemo regimen will begin nor at what strength level, but we are, as of tomorrow, beginning to taper off the stereoids (yea!). So, thank you each and every one for your prayers of love, care, concern, healing and wholeness. God is definitely hearing and working in my behalf.
We shouldn’t spend too much time trying to answer the “why” questions: why me? why must people suffer? why can’t someone else get sick? We can’t answer such things, and the questions themselves often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer. But despite this, – or because of it, – God offers the possibility of salvation and grace. We don’t know how the narrative of our lives will end, but we get to choose how to use the interval between now and the moment we meet our Creator face-to-face.
Second, we need to get past the anxiety. The mere thought of dying can send adrenaline flooding through your system.
To regain footing, remember that we are born not into death, but into life, – and that the journey continues after we have finished our days on this earth. We accept this on faith, but that faith is nourished by a conviction that stirs even within many non-believing hearts – an intuition that the gift of life, once given, cannot be taken away. Those who have been stricken enjoy the special privilege of being able to fight with their might, main, and faith to live fully, richly, exuberantly- no matter how their days may be numbered.
Third, we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprise. We want lives of simple, predictable ease, – smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see, – but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance; and comprehension – and yet don’t. By His love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomaches churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not otherwise experience.
My quandary has drawn me closer to God, closer to those I love, closer to the issues that matter, – and has dragged into insignificance the banal concerns that occupy our “normal time”.
There’s another kind of response, although usually short-lived an inexplicable shutter of excitement, as if a clarifying moment of calamity has swept away everything trivial and tiny, and placed before us the challenge of important questions.
There’s nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue, – for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we could never give, the most we could ever offer, and the most we could ever do. Finally, we can let Love change everything.
We get repeated chances to learn that life is not about us, that we acquire purpose and satisfaction by sharing in God’s love for others. Sickness gets us part way there. It reminds us of our limitations and dependence. But it also gives us a chance to serve the healthy. People suffering grave afflictions often acquire the faith of 2 people, while loved ones accept the burden of 2 people’s worries and fears. Even though God doesn’t promise us tomorrow, He does promise us eternity, – filled with life and love we cannot comprehend.
Through such trials, God bids us to choose: do we believe or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? Can we surrender our concern in things that don’t matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do?
We may not know how our contest with sickness will end, but we have felt the ineluctable touch of God.
What is man that thou art mindful of him? We don’t know much, but we know this: no matter where we are, no mattere what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us who believe, each and every day, lies in the same, safe and impregnable place, in the hollow of God’s hand.
